the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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