you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
