Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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