we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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