So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize