Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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