Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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