Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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