i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
