i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
