Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
