I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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