Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
