Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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