I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
