So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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