he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
