My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
