I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
