I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did I show you my penis last night?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize