New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
