he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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