So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
