bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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