fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize