Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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