I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize