What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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