if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
