the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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