there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
