my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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