I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
