I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
