Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
