This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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