An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
