So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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