she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize