chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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