so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
