they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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