even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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