Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
