I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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