All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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