so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
