butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
babies were throwing up all over the place
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
