i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
