the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
