whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
