I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
