Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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