so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
