so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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