Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
