I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
