Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
