john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
