proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the liver wants what the liver wants
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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