So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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