I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize