I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
