Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
