The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
