I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
