I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
