I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
