New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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