Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
